Friday, October 9, 2009

Guy Questions.

Are you in a relationship?  Or are you seeking to be?  When you meet someone you're attracted to, it's sometimes hard to be discerning.  Here I've put together a list of questions that might be useful to ask yourself before engaging in a committed relationship.  It is by no means exhaustive, but please take from it what you can.  It's written to girls, but hopefully guys can benefit from it as well.

--Does he let you talk?  Or does he monopolize the conversation?

--What are the things he compliments you on?

--Does he take leadership in your relationship?  Does he help make your relationship Christ-centered?

--How does he spend his spare time?

--How does he handle money?  Does he tithe?  Budget?  Is he a saver?  Spender?

--Has he set specific (and realistic) goals for himself?  (His future?)

--How does he treat other girls he comes in contact with?

--What are his views on TV/movies?  Is this a big part of his life?

--How do other guys react to him?

--How does he speak of his parents?  Does he respect their advice?  Would he ask them for it?

--How does he react to a disappointment?

--Does he give in easily to peer pressure?

--How are his personal grooming/hygiene habits?  Does he spend too much time?  Too little?

--Is he employed (or actively seeking to be)?

--What kinds of things does he laugh at?

--Do his eyes wander during your conversations?

--Does often look at/comment on other girls?

--Has he ever pressured you to do something you weren't comfortable with?

--Is he chivalrous?

--Is he willing to admit it when he's made a mistake?  (Is he willing to apologize?)

--Is he truthful?

--Has he been in past relationships?  What contributed to the breakup?

--Does he keep a daily schedule?

--Is he usually early?  Late?  On time?

--Does he have higher standards (or expectations) for you than for himself?

--Does he walk the talk?

--Does he make time to invest in the lives of others?  (Helping the elderly; mentoring/befriending a child.)

--Does he spend excess time, mindlessly surfing the Internet?

--Does he deny himself anything?  (What?  And why?)

--What is his attitude towards children?  Does he ignore them?  Have no patience with them?

--What is he most passionate about?

--Do you find it more difficult to follow Christ when you're with him?

--Does he follow through with his resolutions?  Or is he always apologizing and doing it again?

--Does he have any addicting habits?  Does he drink?  Smoke?  How much?  What for?

--Is he a people-pleaser?

--Does he adjust standards to his benefit in a given situation?  Does he change standards/behavior depending on which group of friends he's with?

--Is he bold about his faith?

--How does he prioritize?  What (in all honesty) kinds of things are at the top of his list?

--Does he go into debt easily?  What are his views on borrowing?

--Are there things about him you absolutely could NOT live with?

--In what ways (and to what extent) does he commit to a life of purity, propriety, and circumspect behavior?

--Is he an attention-getter?  A show-off?

--Is he only happy when he has an audience?

--Does he try to justify wrong behavior?

--How does he speak of/treat your parents?  Siblings?

--Does he have more female friends than male friends?

--Is he flirtatious?  How does he regard flirting?  Is it something he intentionally guards against?

--Does he set aside a specific time to pray/read/study his Bible every day?

--Does he pray with you?

--Does he love God more than he loves you?


Debra said...

You're updating more often! I've been following (stalking) you for a while but Google deleted all the 'links I read' on my blog. I have no idea why so I went looking for your blog today and was pretty excited to find your updates.

I've read through most of them. You have talent, girl. :)

Debbie (from RTF)

Kami said...

Good questions! I'm going to read them to the girls in my study group tonight.

Randy said...

This is intense! If Martha kept this list for me, I never would have passed. But if a suitor came after Kat, you better bet this list would be twice as long, ha!

Sherri said...

I'm with Randy. You can never be too hard on them. I got into a terrible situation because I focused on the here and now instead of giving my concerns/red flags enough attention. Plus, I wouldn't hear advice from anyone else.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea how or when this page got opened up in a tab. I just looked and it was there in the background. Weird. Hmmm...

But anyway, my 2c is... I think it's great to ask these questions. I could add a bunch more things to consider.

HOWEVER, if this is a pass/fail test then absolutely no one in this fallen world - except for really good liars - will pass.

Although it is not a requirement, if you look at all the people called in the bible, they all have situations of fallen-ness. Noah got it on with BOTH his own daughters, for example.

So it's a good idea to consider these things, but in the end, what really matters is maturity, strength, Godliness, determination, his ability to communicate.

It's absolutely vital that the two of you can communicate and navigate each other.

You must ask yourself some questions... do you respect the man that he is being shaped into, can you see where you fit in, do you like where God is taking him?

And what matters even more is if God is in favor of the relationship.

God bless!
Mark Wilson