Friday, November 13, 2009


Well.  I made my decision.  (Or rather, I suppose the Lord finally chose to reveal the path He would have me take.)  I've sought out advice, listened to counsel, and (hopefully) received instruction.  I've dragged my stubbornness, my anguish, my wayward will before His throne and left it at His feet every morning, every night -- nearly every waking moment these past two weeks.

He spoke.  He spoke through the voices of people who loved me and knew what I was going through.  He spoke through the words of those who had no idea what I was going through, but who had wisdom to share anyway.  He spoke through the books I read.  The Bible I lost myself in.  The prayers that I prayed and the silences I forced myself to endure.  The journal entries I made myself write when all I wanted to do was run (and keep running).  He spoke through tears and disappointments.  Through anguished thoughts and sleepless nights.  He spoke through the decisions of others.  But most importantly, He spoke -- and I finally chose to listen.

So now, everything is in order and I am tired.  Nervous.  Bracing myself.  Not really ready for tomorrow.  I've been asked to do a very hard thing -- to handle a situation I never wanted to face (and certainly never reckoned for) -- but my God will go before me.  And if He is for us, who can be against us?

I don't want it.  I don't want this responsibility.  I don't want to hear myself mouth words that I only mean because I know they're right.  But tomorrow, I will speak those words, I will surrender my will only because, through God's grace, I've finally acknowledged that He will use this situation for good -- for His glory.

His way is always best.

Someone gave me a quote today.  I've read it a lot.  It makes sense -- and I trust the wisdom of it, even though I can't feel it right now.  "God never takes away anything that He doesn't replace with Himself." (Jacquelyn K. Heasley)  My Savior is all -- and "fillest all in all".

Courage to all you who stand at a crossroads.  Choose our Savior -- and His way first -- for even through the valley of the shadow of death, He will lead you.  His right hand will hold you fast.  And in the end, His glory will be your everlasting reward!  Is it worth it?  Yes, yes, and amen!


Rick said...

Be strong in the Lord and in the power of HIS might!

Carrie said...

The Lord will always come through. Rest in his promises and wait for him to prove that he knows best - he always does!

Malachi said...

Thanks for the honest post. You always have a way of speaking truth in the most beautiful ways.

Kawika said...

Thank you, Jenn.

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