Monday, December 28, 2009

Saving Face.

After avoiding most of the people I'm closest to, in a silly attempt to save my own face, I finally went back to the circle I know.  And you know what?  Turns out it wasn't a big deal to anyone but me.  I hadn't done anything wrong, so what did I really have to hide?

I lectured myself the entire past week. "You have no reason to avoid people, so you won't.  And you will tell everyone the truth if they ask."

So I did.  Every free moment I had, during fellowship time and after the sermon, I stood and talked to people.  I was honest with them.  I was open.  I was truly free for the first time in months.  I looked them right in the eye and, if they asked, told them all I needed to say.  It was brief, it was honest, and I was right -- it wasn't a big deal to anyone but me.

Before yesterday, I felt like I'd be straggling into church as half a person -- and everyone would instantly see how deceived and used I was -- and how I was unable to be real with anyone anymore -- and pity me.  Turns out, I was the same person to them.  Stronger, even.  And I could be real.  By magnifying a situation in my mind, I'd let it take control of me.

I wish I'd realized that that weeks ago.

6 comments:

Deb (from RTF!) said...

Believe it or not, I know the feeling. Isn't great to realize people love you anyway? :)

Deb

Shawn said...

Wow thanks for the honesty. It's nice when Christians can be real about this stuff. Also, nice to make your acquaintance. God bless.

Rick said...

Feel really bad for you. God will get you through whatever it is.

Andrew said...

Aw that's rough but it's good to see you did the right thing even though it was hard. I have to echo Rick - God will get you through.

Katherine said...

God will meet you where you are but it's important to be face to face with others who can keep you accountable.

Jenn Joshua said...

Thanks, you guys.